Skeith & friends!
by Your local spook
Summary: Updated! So it's passed my head why this next chapter is so darn big... Oh, a summary: an evil plan goes underway!
1. Kazu, we hardly knew ye

**Note: Spoilers Plenty here folks. So don't read… unless you are somewhat familiar to the .hack series. Yes, I may have mixed up some events, but for parody purposes. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything, goodnight.**

Skeith, The terror of death, had been called to keep guard of the forbidden church for what seemed like months now, accompanied with Maha. He had always hanged out now in an abandoned walkway towards the church. Abandoned, that is except, for the scary voice that so often yells, and, strangely, a girl in white sleeping inside the church on top of the altar. A few moments ago he had heard a loud chuckle just inside the church. As Skeith floated towards the doors of the church that scary voice let out a hacking cough that caught his attention. There was someone - or _nobody_- just past the doors that blocked the passageway a little further up. He creaked into the doors a bit and looked from afar that sleeping girl.

"Nee ner nee ner neeee neeeer!" the loud voice taunted. "You can't waaake uuuuup!". The sing-a-long tone made Skieth cover his sore ears, "Enough of this. I must plan a surprise for poker night! I'm off!" it giggled along with a hacking cough. The cathedral was now silenced; the voice was no more... Skeith just stood there, wondering what the hell all that was about. Returning to guard duty, Skeith resumed his game of jacks with Maha. Both being bored since jacks was the only activity their master had left them to play. Extreme boredom struck both; each second slowly brought their eyelids closer to blissful sleep. It was too late to be kept awake and it happened… they had fallen asleep on each other. Cute.

_____________________________________________________________________

It was then Kazu and BlackRose had just got their hands on 'The World', out of the incredible or unlucky choice of keywords they both had entered the Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground in the delta server. They gated in to be greeted by a bizarre sight, very bizarre indeed. Both snuck into the cathedral area of the field, not bothering the creatures. "Ah, hot dog vendor sensors… are tingling! Mustn't let it close… " said BlackRose. 

"Oh, please! You're ruining the atmosphere!" 

"Silence you! I shall slice thy tongue of yours!"

"You're talking nonsense. "

"Aw, you're no fun, bro. But really speaking now… I must have my hot dogs. Later! "BlackRose instantly gated out.

Kazu sighed and decided that it was better just to leave her alone for a bit; besides he was quite interested that a place like this existed. Meanwhile, Maha felt some pressure on her left leg, none other than the weight of Skeith sleeping on her leg. It bugged her, bugged her enough to smack Skeith. Whap! "WHO THERE, BIATCH?!" Skeith shouted, as he smacks maha into the church walls. Ouch.

  "Hey! DON'T DO THAT! You know I get all jumpy when you surprise me like that!" whined Skeith.

"…" 

"Visitors?"

"…"

"We should go after them?"

"…"

"Have fun? Being scary isn't fun!"

"!!!"

And so Skeith hurried into the church with Maha attempting to remove herself out of the imprint on the wall. Now, Skeith rammed into the church door, bursting open... the frightened Kazu quickly ran to the confessional booth to hide." HEY, IS THERE ANYONE IN HERE!?" Skeith said loudly. "No!" Kazu yelled back. He then realized he what he had just done and smacked himself in stupidity. Of course, Skeith immediately rammed into to the confessional booth, destroying it. Out of the demolished remains of the booth, Kazu quickly sprang and stood up. The two beings stared each other, Skeith stood fearsome, Kazu looked at the monster and clutched onto his staff prepared for anything. 

"HEY! Are you what they call a user?"

The little wave master responds, "Umm… I guess so… I just started playing… ahem, aren't you a user, weirdo!?"

"Nope, but I'm supposed to scare the crap out of you."

 "Wha--?"

Skeith stalled no more and assumed he was one of them icky, foul user things, which his master had implied they were. He then raised his staff upon the wavemaster commencing to attack. The boy just did what any newbie could do and ran like hell! Shelter! Head for the hills, little boy!

            "I'm trying!"

 Back to Skeith, and to narrating… Maha had just caught up to Skeith who chuckled to himself, "Damn, I'm good."

                        "…"

            "What's wrong? I scared the poor bugger."

                        "!!!"  

Anyway, Kazu hid behind the altar, not noticing the girl in white. Peeking at the stone formed being and the muted cat argue, seemingly more interest and amused, he hadn't notice his staff fell out of hand, making yet another noticeable noise. As the two creatures argued about Maha selfishly not sharing her jacks and Skeith being plain mean. They then heard the thud and spotted a boy reaching out for his staff. The boy took a stiff look at the two, nearly wetting his pants while he stared in shock as the creatures did.

            "Oh god..." said Skeith". Spectator! I hate your kind spying me and on my lady here."

The infuriated maha just HAD to smack the brains out of skeith. 

"But I... I was..." the boy was thinking fast. "I wasn't watching you two… In fact, you two were… watching me..!"

"Oh, well… umm… keep up the good work!." Skeith said, wrapping a bandage on his head.

"Yeah… so I'll just go back to… not watching you… just… watching the sky behind you…" nervously said Kazu. Neither creature noticed that there was no sky since they're all inside.

            "Say, you haven't seen any users around here have you?" Skeith questioned.

"USERS...? You mean m-... err... no... No...USERS... here! Why I haven't seen one of those... those USERS... in ages... yeah." replies kazu.

             Kazu then pointed at Maha with a quivering finger, "MAYBE... THAT'S A USER!"

"Hmm... err… Yeah..."Skeith mumbled, not even paying the slightest attention, then shouted…

"HEY! It's Aromatic grass!"

The creature had gone off to pluck out the aromatic grass for whatever reason he had in mind. While Maha wasn't too pleased with Skeith's work, she had to take thing into her hands and do something… evil. Maha raised her hand targeting the boy; while a series of polygons formed together to shape some sort of cannon while the boy mysteriously was floating. The cannon had fired. 

"Hey! I'm flying!" gleefully, the boy said

"Heh heh heh. What pretty colors… err…?    AUGH!!!!"

                        Skeith had returned with a bundle of aromatic grass. 

"Umm… Where did that one dude go?"

"…"

             "Polka night? With mistress?"

                         It's Smacking time!

            -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Kite (holding a piece a paper): Uh, Let's see… the spook would like to thank you for reading this fanfic and would appreciate it if you could make a review.  As you see, the spook likes reviews; reviewers like you, must give the spook… encouragement.

That's not what it says…

            Kite: Yeah, but it's the truth!

And the truth hurts me and you as well…

            Kite: Whaddya talking about, you're just a bit of chicken, huh? OW!

…Be a good boy and get on with the rest of it.

            Kite: Right, The next chapter… Tsukasa's turn to be the next victim to be trapped in this whacked game. 

            Aura: Aw, what a cute boy you are! *glomps Kite* you poor boy, you been through such hell and it's not even over.

            Kite: Yeah, curse them guys at Bandai for delaying us! I want a normal life already, dammit! Ah, you're awfully close, little girl.

            Aura: So…? You make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Hug me tighter!

The spook has left building, have fun you two.

            Kite: W-wait! Don't leave me here. Ack!

Y


	2. Tsukasa, stay away from games

***

Tsukasa now had got hands on the oh-so popular game, so perhaps now _he_ could leave this cruddy world and get to places where it might be a little safer. But out of another slew of unluckiness struck the -_boy-_; he then entered those forbidden keywords. Upon gating in via chaos gate, he was surprised to come across Skeith and Maha in a furious argument with the jack sharing problem.

"Are too!" said Skeith.

"…" said Maha.

"ARE!"

"…!"

"ARE times a Bajillion!"

"…"

"A real number would help…"

"…"

"I'm telling you! Mistress gave me twenty jacks!" Skeith shouted. Maha, frustrated, kicked skeith in that -_spot- _between his legs. Skeith winced back in agony from horrible, horrible pain. Recovering back, he held Maha up above him, pulled back a bit and threw the cat to the floor headfirst, Maha landing into the concrete thus, making another imprint. "I never knew you'd fight dirty like that! Totally wrong!" he cried. He looked down at the maha's twitching body, slowly poking at it with his staff. "Um... Sorry?" he talked.

"Excuse me?" said Tsukasa.

Skeith immediately looked up to Tsukasa standing there. "I- It's not what it looks like!" the monster explain

"Did you… Kill it?" said Tsukasa, being calm.

"OH NO! Damn it, I've killed her!!" Skeith confessed. He frantically speeded around the walkway; suddenly a light bulb appeared above his head.  An Idea! "I know! You there, little boy!" Skeith pointed towards Tsukasa, the witness. "We'll just bury the body! No one shall know out little secret… right?" He started to edge next to Tsukasa, waiting for an answer.

"I… Don't know… I'm not good at keeping secrets." Tsukasa replied. In desperation, Skeith had another idea to assure him of the great plan. "We can live as outlaws! I'm sure you had dreams of becoming felon! I KNOW THAT EVERYONE HAS TO!" Skeith kept pleading to tsukasa to make a change, a very big change in his (or…) life. The wave master turned to the wall, and thought about it the idea, meanwhile skeith was still freaking out by clearly saying out loud, "This isn't happening! Mistress is gonna kick my ass!" Tsukasa turned back to Skeith. 

"What the hell's wrong with you?" he asked.

"What, WHAT, WHAT!?" Skeith said, worrisome.

"I've thought about it… If I'm to become an outlaw, you'll need therapy. You're a very strange fellow." said Tsukasa.

"Y-yeah, whatever! Now let's bury her and get the hell outta here!" He replied, ignoring that last comment. And so the two progressed digging a burial, at last, Skeith's idea turned out to be for the better until… that light bulb blew a fuse.

"Ow." 

  Skeith... Oh poor skeith. He then let out a gasp and pointed at Tsukasa and suddenly burst out with…

"Murderer!    You've killed my bestest friend in the entire world!"

"Say what?" the puzzled Tsukasa said, with slight irritation.

"For that, I'll punish you! Eat this!!" Skeith yelled. 

"Oh, come on! Why don't you try digging it up? This is just uber-boring!" Tsukasa replied irritably. Suddenly, the monster positioned his hand forming that same cannon used earlier and fired…

"Wrong way, Idiot." said Tsukasa, with a disappointed look.

"Err, you didn't see that… THIS is my first time. JEEZ!" the creature whined.  

"YAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!!" yelled Tsukasa as the freaky graphics pierced him.

The boy (Err, yeah.) fell straight to the ground like an old rag doll, lifeless and gray. Oh… wait… seems that the light bulb wasn't screwed in so tight. I'll just fix that… with the hand of the author. BEHOLD!

"Oh no! What have I done…? I screwed everything. I HATE MYSELF!!" said by… you can guess who.

"!!!" Maha shouted, I think. Yes, she wasn't dead after all. Rejoice! But all is not well as Maha was covered in dirt and some shredded clothing. Having that evil flare in her eyes, Skeith…

"Oh my god! I've never been this happy to see you alive! Do you know what suffering you put me through!?" The foolish monster nearly led out some tears. "Come 'er you! Gimmie a hug!"    

The creature glomped a hold of the cat and began squeezing the life out of it. Like one of those plush toys that everyone wants, but, then… nooooo! They don't exist! Anyway, the disturbed, but mad-as-hell Maha went Rambo on Skeith's sorry arse.

Look away, Children. This is gonna be a mess.    

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kite: Cut! Cut! Cut! Okay, you know what this whole story needs? Vampire Pigs… lots of them. In fact, these oinksters come from outer space.  Instead of us fighting something when we don't have clue what were even doing; why not replace that wuss, Morganna, with vampire pigs? It's a usual simple story where we easily understand the evils of vampires from outer space and beat some ass. Everyone loves violence.

Gardenia (with her jaw dropped): My gosh… your ideas are so brilliant and appealing to the audience. Take me now.

Kite: …this again?

Gardenia: That is not of importance right now. All I need is you. Love me.

Kite: Nah. Let's just go play Viewtiful Joe, alright?

Gardenia: Your wisdom strikes me again…

Kite: Henshin a go-go, baby!

READ AND REVIEW! And stay tuned for the next installment of Skeith & Friends! Tah-tah.


	3. Yeow!

Notice left by da author: Oy, I'm currently into Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga (Side note: It is a very fun RPG that bends the rules, indeed, it surely does.) and to that, school is also a bother. So I expect myself to finish another chapter near the end of December, at least I hope I don't procrastinate. So here peoples, enjoy the 3rd chapter!

…Still in the hidden forbidden holy ground…

Skeith had chased his master's voice heard from within the cathedral; it was his chance to make up for the life he had taken by asking permission to do so. He had been accompanied by Maha, the cat he had found to be his worst nightmare after his beat down at the walkway. After entering the front doors, he had left Maha behind, who had suddenly dropped her precious jacks and had to count them if she missed any. Inside one of the confessional booths, further back from the one he destroyed earlier, the monster spoke…

"If anyone is there, listen to me. I have done a terrible thing today; I've taken a poor boy's life just because my brain itches. I don't seem to remember my algebra, but that's not the point. I KILLED SOMEONE! I AM A BAD MAN! Why did this have to happen to me? Aside from my confession, I've also came here for courage… courage to ask my mistress if she can forgive me for my actions. Maybe she could help me out? Do something for him? I feel that I must do something for the poor guy. And…"

"Why not forget about him?" An eerie feminine voice answered with a question.

"M-mistress!? You're a priest? I swear you could have fooled me." (Hey… what?)

"I'm right outside… in fact, where you sit now is a destroyed booth. I can hear you loud and clear, you dolt!" the voice called out, added with a terrible cough.

"Oh, I see… how long have you had that cough?" Skeith questioned.

"Uh… a week after I was created. Apparently, that idiot creator gave me the ability to think, to feel emotion, and be tolerant to substances that put me in these conditions. Yeah, I like rolling in mud and trash. Got a problem?!" the voice explained.

Skieth only pondered how that can be possible… then asked, "Ah, now that you know why I'm here. I beg of you to give this boy another chance in life."

"No." She quickly answered.

"Aw, c'mon!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll be your friend..."

"No."

"Aw, you're mean!"

"Damn straight."

Yawn… after much pleading that lasted several days; the persistent Skeith conjured up a plan. Maybe it's a good one? Eh? Eh?! Being a normal day, Skeith stared at the cathedral doors and sighed. He was about to open his idea to Morganna, which may be his last as she's nearly had it with Skeith and assured him six months in a single room with a television that had poor reception, no cable and most terrifying of all, no remote. He noticed that on the front door a pile of furniture done up with several chains and padlocks blocked the entrance. Mysteriously though, all the junk appeared just so sudden. Examining the wall right to the pile, he noticed a large post-it note that simply read: Go away.

Skieth didn't want to believe whatever it said, so as he saw the note, the letters rearranged themselves to read: FREE PIE INSIDE!!

"Oh, boy! Free pie!" Skeith said with great delight. The contented monster spared no time whatsoever and immediately lifted the pile of junk with ease, and simply tossed it aside as he could care less where it went. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea, as you see… that pile flew… flew down the walkway where Maha was busy playing marbles. The strange shadow formed over Maha's little playground (or just her favorite part of the pavement), noticing it enlarged every second; she came to look into the sky and recoiled in horror. CRUSH!!!!

***

Skeith was now on the roof of the cathedral, standing near the weathervane (hmm…), and scratched his head in confusion. Seems he didn't find that pie… though, he wasn't giving up as he head back inside and stood near the altar where the girl in white was at rest. Keeping an eye out for whatever he thought looked like pie; he heard a little girl chuckle… but how? That girl is asleep, I see. No, wait… she's gone! 

"OOGA- BOOGA!!!" the girl in white shouted right into Skeith's ear just as he turned around to find… nothing! Nothing at all… pitch black, really. The girl got a hold of his sight by playfully covering his eyes.

"Oh my god, I've gone blind!" cried Skeith, walking backwards, tripping over a teddy bear and thus taking the two to land on the hard marble ground, head first of course. The monster quickly rose up to see the girl in white… awake and rubbing behind her bruised head. "Do you have to be so damn childish?!" he questioned, arms crossed. 

"Of course, I'm still a kid, Idiot!" the girl shot back.

"Duuuuhh… I thought you were dead?" Skeith said.

"Dead? Uh… dead tired… Yes, that's it!" The girl answered.

Suddenly, Morganna's voice boomed in…

"Skeith, did you not read that post-it note I left outside?!"

"I sure did! I believe you owe me some pie. Key lime please."

Morganna took a moment of silence... and decided to change the subject.

"Wait-a-minute… didn't you have an idea to propose to me?" Morganna questioned.

"Ah, fine, but I want my pie soon right after the plan. Anyway, I was thinking if we made the boy a babysitter for the girl right here, ya know? Instead of you or any of us having to guard her from the evil humans, why not make him do it? Then you'd have a lot more free time to play with us, Mistress!"

"Bad idea. The boy is human. He's better off being desert, speaking of which, we haven't had any humans for a while. Let's have him dipped in hot caramel!"

"Well… we could make him evil." 

"Tch.. chyeah… Bwhahahaha!! That's so laughable! Him? One of us!? HA, HA, HA!" Morganna gloated on.

"Please… just one test to be an evil babysitter?" Skeith pleaded.

"Aw, fine. If he fails, get this: NO TV for an eternity." 

As Morganna agreed to this vigorous trial, she promised him the boy's (COUGH!) life back. With that declared, a portal opened above Skeith's head, and out came Tsukasa's gray corpse landing on the unsuspecting monster.

"Ew, get him off of me!" Skeith immediately picked him off. But now the gray body turned back in the full colors he was once in before. He had been filled with life again. Yet, skeith only poked the rising body from the floor.

"Wakey, wakey, sleepy head." Skeith continued to poke with his humongous staff.

"OW! My spleen, you damned idiot!"

"He's awake. Good! Now, little boy prepare to be asked: How are you feeling?"

"Uh… alright I guess. I'd kill for a hot dog right about now; add some bon bons with it too."

"That shall be done, but in the meantime you must fulfill a task for me."

"Whatever." Tsukasa only shrugged.

"For your task… you must put that girl in white to sleep."

Tsukasa turned to where Skeith pointed to see the child sitting on the altar, picking her nose and flicking off some… thing… suddenly point to herself for attention. Tsukasa gave a wide grin, walked up to little girl and awed.

"Aren't you the most adorable little girl ever?!" 

"I want a bedtime story now, bitch." The toddler demanded.

Of course, then it's time for the tuck-in express to make its arrival!" Tsukasa said with unusually alacrity, then pulled out a handy blanket to cover the child and began reading "Little red riding hood".

After a charming read to such a charming girl (NOT!), Tsukasa succeeded in putting the girl to sleep.

"Mmm… burgers." The girl slept talk. Now Tsukasa left the church to find Skeith and Maha talking about…

"So I said to her… if you won't be giving me my key lime pie, I'm going places. Places far away." Skeith conversed to Maha.

"…"

"Yeah, that is rad, ain't it?"

"…"

"HAH!! That's so true. You're quite humorous, my friend." Both playfully laughed; one laughter not audio-able.

"Ahem!!" Tsukasa called for attention, "I've put that girl to bed and she's sound asleep… to dreeeeamland. Sigh…"

"That's great! You now qualify to attend the school of villainry." The monster congratulated.

"Huh? I never recalled enrolling to such a thing." 

"Yeah, but it'll take just little as 15 minutes of your time and then you've got your full time job being a babysitter."

"Wait-a-minute, I never agreed to this! What the hell are you babbling about?"

"Well, you see… you did… um… I… I… you… drove… zoom… dang…"

Skeith only found himself out of words… he couldn't seem to haggle the boy (?) to becoming a bad guy. Nevertheless, the monster did not give up and tried a different method of persuading.

TWHACK!!! The sound of a strike on the back side of the head was heard, and Tsukasa fell unconscious.

Moments later… our wavemaster awoke to a much more calm scenery with trees and lots of green that had a healthy glow all around. There was a bed in the middle of the field and it's where the girl now slept. Now standing and dusting his (meh...) robes and suddenly had a migraine on the backside of his head, no, it was a lump that hurt like crap and a big one too! Walking around for a bit, he heard a deep and scary voice that breathed heavily…

"Tsukasa…"

"Wha... w-who's there?! Where am I?" Tsukasa looked around very alert to his surroundings.

"You are… somewhere, but ignore that for now. It's time to reveal the truth." The voice continued with the heavy breathing and finished, "Tsukasa ……I AM YOUR FATHER."

"NOOOOO! YOU JUST CAN'T BE! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!!" Tsukasa rather to be defensive only curled into a ball and began pulling his silver hair.

"Whoa… calm down a bit. I'm just pulling your leg; it's me, the almighty ruler of this world." 

Tsukasa only ignored and continued to roll around along the ground while screaming his lungs out.

"AGH! Stop it! My ears are bleeding; I feel my head is going to burst into pieces. AAaagghh!! …CEASE NOW!"

The voice's statement only froze the boy (I think the people get the point…) and filled him with questions like…

"But… how?"

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Kite: And in the end, Skeith nor Tsukasa got what they wanted… 

Terajima Ryoko: …Mister Kite, would you be so kind enough to lend me a cup of sugar?

Kite: Ah, it's great to see you and not one of those weird girls that put me in awkward situations. Of course I'll give you sugar!

Ryoko: Yeah, what's wrong with them I wonder? Anyways, than--- GAH!!! (Is suddenly pushed away by…)

Subaru: Surprise, surprise!

Kite: EEP! It's you now, isn't it? Damn it all… (Immediately runs away at mach speed!)

Subaru: These bizarre pair-ups will never end. The manifestation of people thoughts of wrong pairing ways that have now taken physical form and use the power to control some of us! BWHAHAHAHA!! *Cough*. You can't run forever!

Kite: Just keep telling that to yourself, zombie-slave! I'm light-years ahead of you.

And just who is the monster that's doing this? It's an ugly, huge, cockroach-like creature that breathes fire and terrorizes people. I'm serious!

Filthy Roach Egghead of DOOM (Rubbing his hands –or- legs in a pleased manner): Good… good… *cackles*

…We'll just call him FRED for now.

Be sure not to miss the next episode of Skeith & Friends! R&R or FRED will cause mass destruction to your pairing dreams.


	4. Operation: Memory loss!

Whoa… so I haven't updated here a bit. Just having beating the final installment and school busily keeps me under its rule. Unless I'm easily side-tracked, I've somehow managed to finish up this chapter. Enjoy!

…

…

…

"You've done well to make it to me, boy. Or, as so my foolish henchman says so… I should have expected as much more from his stupidity to bring a human to me. Unfortunately for you, those who desire to be as wicked and nasty as me will only live such a short future. After making that fool believe I would even consider a human doing this job, HAH! I say. HAH! I scoff, and here I am, laughing at you, at this moment. My world has no need for lowly worms for you! It will do just fine with the only omnipotent here... me!!" Our… fiend discusses matters to the wavemaster.

Very perplexing… Tsukasa had no idea what was to be happening. The once vivid, lively field turned dead into dryness. The sky became a dark bloody red with clouds swirling about and the wind severely pushing around. It had become a hellish place. But it doesn't stop there -- the earth shakes beneath his feet very violently, causing tears and crevices on the ground. Thunder and lightning appeared all over, whipping the land, and tornados sprouted instantly from the sky. While the girl in white on her bed was being avoided of the disasters, she seems to not be in any danger at all. Tsukasa floated into the air by unknown forces. Orbs of energy surrounded him and moved in closer, he was as good as dead… when the voice gave the words.

"Die, puny ant!" And with that, the voice…

"Mistress! Grave News!!" Skeith appeared right in time to interrupt his master's deadly game of death.

The voice snapped out of her berserk state, and the field instantly reverted to the same ol' greenie, beautiful and wondrous place it was before. This lead a sign… rabbits and other woodland creatures came out to play, with Tsukasa falling from a distance and thus landing in a nearby bush.

"…putrid, vile, evil things! Get off my field, you disgustingly cute creatures!" yelled that corrupt A.I. voice thing-a-ma-jigger, scattering the cutesy animals away.

"And you…" She led onto her servant, "What in the bloody hell are you doing here?! Can't you see what I'm going to…?" She had somewhat a soft heart for her slaves, uh, servants. She can't seem to force it out of her what her true intentions were for the boy, but rather, come up with a lie. "…going to have a blast with the child here? WE were going to play monopoly… in the sky. So, what business do you bring, Numbskull?"

Skeith has come to tell, "Fidchell, the prophet, has brought grave news, my ruler-ress. A bunch of trendy teens and damn dirty adults are going to disrupt our plans. Also, they are planning to take your child."

"Child? Absurd… wait, yes, my child… how long will this take place as Fidchell foresees this?"

"Very, very soon. I mean -_really-_ soon."

"How exactly soon?"

"Soon enough!"

"How soon is 'soon enough'?"

"SOON!"

"Estimate this… 'Soon?'"

"Uh… soon?"

"Very well then, for effect, we are to make the boy forget everything and make him into one of us."

Tsukasa, minding his own damn business, was picking out thorns, while the two fiend o' fiends discuss their methods of handling the coming event. It had been gone over and decided, they were to make the boy lose his memory. Still, the two had genuinely devised the perfect plans whereas any would fail; another would come to back up. Bulletproof, it was their plans. One after another and another, guaranteed to make the boy as if born evil. Shall we see how this unfolds? Of course you do!

"…" The cat appeared in. She too, heard of the news from Fidchell.

"...What now?" The clueless wavemaster asked.

"Hm. I'll introduce you to some of my good pals at a great place I know. Now I don't want you wandering off too far, little boy—there are times… times when not everything is hoo-haa, so and so with the festivities us monsters have. Humans; they are our home wreakers and they leave none alive. You'd best stay from them far as possible. I mean it! But today, you'll prove yourself worth by hunting one down!"

Skieth heeded the warnings of human intellect—it's only a bear trap, or what he says… whatever. Tsukasa only looked up at him, shrugged, but didn't mind anything at moment. He didn't seem to care what these humans were… actually; he didn't know what they were.

And off they went to step one of this grand master plan.

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_To my dear Phases of 'the wave':_

_As any of you are reading this __letter, I'm on a little vacation from babysitting. I have passed on the duties to you all to guard my child (especially you, boy) at whatever the cost or expense of your entertainment. Unto this declaration, a time will come when these player characters are… like friggin' locusts. But every so… never, it shouldn't come as a surprise to you all; our acts of villainy-ness will be put to an end... In any case, I am not waiting to be a fool in my own world and I know that our mortal enemy is drawing closer and closer. After all, we are all invincible, so there should be no worries about us being defeated. NEVERTHELESS, the prophet is somehow seeing that we WILL be screwed; that being said is also screwy. I know what you're all thinking; it's the same thing I am, obviously. My right hand men (Skeith and Maha) will fill in most details as they, too, WILL read this._

_Speaking of 'Skeith', I want that bastard to stay out of the toy chest. There will be no time for play at the time being. I know Maha, you love toys, but try to get into that fighting spirit like the rest of us. And if you're all wondering what that 'other' chest next to the toy one is, I forbid you keep your eyes(if any of you have any) out of there, that's part of another plan. Now, I know you're all disappointed… and I know I promised you all toys, field trips for 'certain' rampages, so we can really own "The World" for the takings… but I must put that on hold. Again. Give your regards to Skeith for stopping us because of our… rudeness that would have been._

_You see, I'm one of them villains with a different cause. People will be calling me 'evil' or a purveyor of chaos…and I really haven't even begun to cause any mayhem! I did have some plans for complete domination, but for the good cause that this is my world and I want everyone to buzz off. Now, all I want to do is rid of somebody possibly overthrowing me! Curses to that Hoerwick fellow, for an attempt to overthrow me by raising... none of your concerns, you ding bats. I mean… Really, the man has rambled about his dead, uh, friend, whatever, to me for… as long as I lived up 'til not so long ago. Then, I get to be a mother to only be removed from my kingdom. IDIOT! It's silly! I'll never get these humans. I only had an hour to myself those days. How can I get to have any fun? Thankfully, his randomness led to all your births. I guess that's some credit._

_Well enough… I don't want kids ruining our freedom. So, let's kick their asses! Except the rookie boy, he is some value._

_--Your unquestionably all-mighty ruler._

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Left on the cathedral doors was the letter, read by Skeith & Tsukasa, having just returned from their trip to a 'certain' field.

"After reading mistress' letter, she would be sorely disappointed in you! You could have taken down that bratty girl and her huge sword!"

"Weeeeelll… excuuuuse me! Your little 'surprise' in that treasure chest left me woozy. I wasn't in any condition to fight. Actually, I think I don't remember why I would ever come there in the first place. Weird."

"Huh?! Well, what about 'em knuckleheads after fleeing, huh?! Did you fight there, huh?"

"What, are you crazy? I was surrounded! But luckily, they didn't harm me. Instead, they asked for your kitty friend and described her as a human! Is that true, Skieth? Has she betrayed us?"

The cat having arrived late, proclaimed, "…?...!!?!? ..!!"

Skeith gestures to Tsukasa he doesn't know what she's talking about, triggering a loud smacking sound to be heard. Maha pointed to her brethren and widen her mouth, flapping with utter silence that just drifted through the air. She smacked him several times over and over, and then continued them not-so-shoutin' words. Already, the noiseless yelling made Maha out of air, flailing her arms about. It was too much for a mute to handle making her give up and fall collapsed.

"What a vocabulary!" Skeith said with amazement.

"…Very colorful, as well," Tsukasa added.

A weird shaped that was in the shape of… well, it's non-descript -- suddenly moved onto the three from way above. A loud crash was heard to right of the three, to looks of it; it was some kind of meteor with a long tip sticking out and had leafs attached to it. The shadow shrunken as whatever descended from the sky to greet Skeith with a "..!"

"Innis! Magus! Good to see you guys again!" greeted back

"T-t-those things have n-names?!?!" Said the only human, falling from the earth shattering BOOM!

"They are my brothers, silly!"

"…" Innis made an eerie noise.

"…" Magus sounded like a cheese grater.

"…" Innis, uh, replied.

"…" Magus made the stained glass shatter.

"Hey, have you guys looked at mistress' letter?" The talkative phase spoke.

Tsukasa was only freaked out by the appearances and could take no more how horrible they tried to speak. He gated out with haste, and headed to the theta server for some little relaxing scenery Dun Loireag had to offer. The rest of freakishly designed monsters didn't mind and chatted among themselves in a charming get together. There, the wavemaster thought he didn't have to deal with anyone and have some time to himself or so… another brush-in encounter with the girl he met earlier in the dungeon. Oh hell.

Hours later… Tsukasa winded up back in the Girl in White's field where the voice gave a nice pleasuring welcome to the newest rookie. She'd promise him to take of him, being unusually nice today. That's for sure.

"You did try to kill me earlier, Y'know?"

"Ah. But that was the past and you caught me in a bad mood. In fact, I feel so great on my vacation I think I'll reward you with a hot dog!"

Besides the girl's bed, formed several graphics that quickly shaped into the figure of a hot dog, warmed with all around goodness. Mustard, Ketchup, relish, the works… with syringes sticking out.

The Voice nervously let out a snicker. "Ahaa… just mind those… those are just… flavor enhancers! Yes, that's right!"

Wouldn't you know it by now? Hot Dogs are everyone's predilection and Tsukasa is starving!

"Food… Food… Why am I so hungry? Why are my legs moving on their own? Why am I drooling?"

"It's called hunger, silly!" She chuckled quietly, but yet so forceful to blurt out the laughter.

Within a matter of seconds, the delectable hot dog was wolfed down in a whole bite. Here comes the body falling to ground with a delightful smile! Tsukasa is K-Oed for further memory loss, and that makes another step in this one tricky operation. How evil!

Meanwhile… back to the forbidden church...

Maha had been told to make Tsukasa a body guard, as well as personal trainer to further grow his hate towards humans. Skieth browsed into her business like a noisy little brat pointing at random stuff asking how it works. The phase recalled a familiar bracelet in her hands and bowls of blue jell-o she had lying around.

"Blue, blue, blue. Blue is overrated. Why not make a different color for him? Yellow, huh, huh, huh?!?" Skieth pestered the cat with his ideas for Tsukasa. He has somehow grown attached to him in little time.

"…"

"Damn it, I want yellow! Wait, did you just tell me to leave?"

"…" Maha nodded.

"Oh… you can't tell me to do that! I can do whatever the hell I want!"

"…"

"Fine, I'll go!"

"…"

"Huh? You want me to stay?"

"…" Maha pointed out the door.

"Ah."

"…"

"Y'know what? I don't care anymore. I'm leaving, you dumb cat!"

"No, come back."

"Okay."

_________________________________________________________________

Another several hours later, our passed out wavemaster awakens on top of the stoop belonging to the cathedral. Incoming migraine from the back of the head occurred… again, only but when he reach back to relieve his head, he felt something sticking to his hair. Yanking the paper taped behind his head, and –_tried-_ read it with the horribly written words: @o BaWwwWk 2 teh dOomGueon!!!XclaAimashun pownt! – S)(E^#h

Whatever did he mean? Of course, the dungeon they went to.

"Skeith… I'd better ask him if I'm really wanted here," He wanted to ask him of his true resignation.

Gating out and hurrying back to the where those events occurred, he arrived at the entrance where no one was to be found. No monsters… but a man in clad armor sat there with his incessant ideals of justice. He turned over to Tsukasa.

"Shit! Wrong place! I mean… you there, eligible… I MEAN, Illegal wherabouter… finder... DAMN IT! I mean…"

"Imbecile..."

"Arggh! You'd best shut up, mate…" The horned one bopped himself in the head and screamed out, "That's not right at all! I know I was supposed to talk… to talk… in a more… sublime-y way… THAT DOESN'T WORK EITHER! Damn it, this isn't my character. Where's the script?"

"You aren't fitting anywhere in this story the last time we met. Leave."

"You can't do this to me, boy! I'll rip out your spine, provided that you have one!" Brandishing out his sword, the man charged forward like a wild bull.

Weapons crossed and clashed and held together with smiling faces, Tsukasa especially made a goofy face that threw off the man which then he was bonked on the head with the staff. The man stood up on his wobbly feet and stood guard. His opponent, the wavemaster, made taunts and gestures, poking more fun at the intimidated knight. Severely enough waiting, they both locked horns once again.

"Look, a man wearing a woman's clothing! Isn't that quite funny?" the knight laughed, while in a weapon hold.

"Wha-?" Tsukasa glanced back.

POW! Into the gut, the sword-wielder punched. Even more laughing the knight made as the boy staggered back in agony and sitting for a quick breath.

"Fool! You let your guard down, you tricky little urchin. You made me lose my character, and for that, you'll meet your end!" He clutched his sword, aiming for the heart and looking for a grand victory. Just then, a yellow tentacle phased through the wall flicked his helmet with great force. The thing revealed itself to be some creature in the shape of a dumbbell and circlet in the middle. Well… the creature spared no time and slaughtered the knight.

"Hey, that tickles! GYAAAAAAH!"

____________________________________________________________________________________

Shortly after the Knight had perished, Skieth appeared with confetti blowing out of nowhere and a congratulatory fanfare which cannot be explained where it came.

"Well done, boy! You knocked him down!"

"But I really didn't…" Tsukasa lowered his head with quieter tone.

"I saw the whole thing. You've got a nack for pissing people off, don't ya?"

"…that thing killed it," He pointed at the gelatinous monster.

"So what, you didn't beat him, but you showed off your true hate on that pig! Har, har! Boy, am I ever so glad I found you!"

"You're proud of me?" He raised his head with a smile.

"Yes, you rock, dude. You'll settle here with us quite fine! Oh, and by the way, that monster is your personal trainer to continue your grudge against those swines!"

A gel-like hat popped from the weird monster and grew a hand to tip the wavemaster off as a hello.

Tsukasa was a little startled, but he wanted to ask several questions that needed to be answered. Eager enough he let out an "Ahem," and captured Skieth's attention.

"Umm… I'm glad now that I'm a great addition to the team and all, even now if your master is acting strange and I don't remember very much…"

"Yes, she can be kooky." Skieth had followed.

"…but I somehow met that girl again—"

"Again? Did you get her back this time?"

From the phase's interruption, the wavemaster pointed to his cheek and on it was a red mark in the figure of a hand.

"Oooo, that's excellent work!"

"Yeah, anyway, she kept teasing me about something I couldn't do. It bothered me long enough, so I tired what was called 'log-out' and I wasn't able to! Is that bad?

**Thwack!** …it's raining men.

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Skieth: I need a legion… I need an army… I need a battalion. I need to wage war on humans.

Sora: You need a one-man army… like me!

Skieth: I don't need help from you!

Sora: Hah! You'll get nowhere without me…

Skieth: I said I don't need you! *pauses and reconsiders* Oh my god, I am so lucky!

Sora: Exactly.

Skieth: But we can't just do it ourselves… we are invincible.

Sora: I don't like going groups much, it degrades me… I'll allow only one more person and no more.

Skieth: Hmph. I'll make the rules here… I say we build an army and that's an order, slave!

Sora: Slave?

Skeith: Yes, you are my slave. I can control and destroy you! And I say we recruit that girl over there!

Kitty Riku: Who, me?

Skieth: Yes, you! I don't know who you are, but congratulations -- you have instantly enlisted in my army.

KR: *blink blink* Army? Y-your ar-army?? .......................OMG!! SKEITH!!! YOU'RE THE BEST!! I'm your biggest fan, didja know!? Well now you do!! n_______________n *glomps Skeith*

Sora: That's strange... it almost looked like you were lunging for me. Wait, why does he get a fan!?

KR: Eh? Who was that!? o_o *turns around and sees Sora* Oh...Hello… *walks around Sora* and you are...Well, I don't know who you are!

Sora: Why... I'm famous PKer, Sora, whom holds the skills that no one can surpass.

((Meanwhile, at the author's house… the dastardly FRED has taken over the spook's laptop.

FRED: Another absolutely wrong pairing… it's a masterpiece! Monster and human! Pure Gold!

Spook: Hey! You are ruining my story! Get out of here, now!

FRED: Dead men tell no tales of a cockroach capable of ruining dreams! *draws a sword and jumps out the window*

Spook: …Not sure what he did… OH MY GOD! What an awful story! This won't do one bit. Let me just change that and… ah, forget it.))

KR: Oh really....? Prove it! *sexy wink*

Skieth: Now is not the time for showing off!

KR: HEY! You wanna lose a fan!? I told the man to prove his status, and prove he shall! *grabs Sora's arm with her hand in a drag*

Sora: Hm! Interesting... but where are my manners... *tracts his blade onto Riku's neck* How's that?

KR:*purrs* Perfect... Just prrrrrrrrfect..  *moves arms behind her and wraps them around Sora's waist* I could get used to this! =3 *kitty-licks Sora's hand*

Sora: H-hey! *backs off from Riku*I don't want your cooties!

KR: *cocks her head to the side* Sora..... You act so childish... KAWAII!!!!!! *glomps Sora* I'm your new fangirl!!! *turns around and sticks out tongue at Skeith*

Sora: S-stop! You're freaking me out!

KR: Aaah, Sora-kun, you're so cute!! *strokes Sora's hair* Why do you act so childishly cute!?

Sora: I'm only a kid! Leave me alone! *runs away*

KR: *chases Sora* Come back, Love Squishy!!

Skieth: My fan... my heart... ow...

A fair warning to what FRED can do to your fanfics! Not that I planted there intentionally… but stick around for another episode!


End file.
